Another Modest Proposal

Our Second Amendment rights are under attack. After Nick Moyes, the president of Utah Valley University’s Republican Club was confronted by police this week for openly carrying a gun, it is time for action.

And so now I ask you to join with me in expressing our Constitutional rights by considering the following proposals:

Firstly, our schools, churches, nurseries, bars, libraries, venues, and courtrooms need to be armed to the teeth. Openly brandish your weapons wherever you go, routinely threatening others who pose a threat to society. Remember the proven method of what has come to be known as the Bush Doctrine: A pre-emptive strike against perceived enemies is the best way to go.

Secondly, there should be state issued handguns to children once they reach age five. If they can walk, they can have gun rights. Furthermore, deregulation needs to take place so that no training or identification whatsoever is required to obtain firearms.

Thirdly, let us look forward to the day that we will not only be able to openly brandish a Colt pistol in public, but AK 47’s, Uzi’s, bazookas, hand grenades and other instruments conducive to peace. Keep in mind that, “Guns don’t kill people, people do.”

Surely the Founding Fathers of this magnificent country would be proud of our commitment to make our communities and country a more peaceful place.

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